By Trevor Kassulke

Couples go through good times and bad. There are going to be ups and downs that each couple will have to face. However some people jump to the conclusion that they have to get a divorce. This may not have to be the case. For some couples it may be easy to get through the rough patches and for others, there is no end in sight.

If you are fighting a lot and never getting along, you may need to work on your relationship. Some people feel as if they are alone in their marriage and that they have no help or respect. These feelings can lead someone to feel as if they are not happy in their marriage anymore and it may open their eyes to getting help to resolve the issues that are making it hard to find the happiness that every couple deserves.

When you think that your marriage may be in trouble, you have to do whatever you can to make sure that you are coping with it as best as you can. Some people prefer to go through counseling when their marriage is in trouble.

Marriage counseling is a great option to try before thinking of divorce. Counselors help couples to discuss their problems and to find solutions that will work for both parties. For some couples this is the only help needed to get through rough times.

For some people marriage counseling isn’t the way to go. Some might want to try a one on one session with a therapist. This professional will discuss your situation and give you advice that can help you to become a better spouse. This is an option that people with anger management issues that are tearing apart the fabric of their marriage can use to help them fortify their relationship and avoid divorce.

It is possible that the problem you are having is a personal issue that one of you have and making some changes in how you live your life may help. A therapist can help you to discover areas that might need work as well as giving you advice as to how you can make the changes you need so that you can get your life back on track.

There needs to be two way communication going on in your marriage at all times, make sure that you are talking with your spouse and discuss any issues that you are having difficulties with. Don’t be afraid of letting your feelings show or letting your spouse know that you feel things need to change. When you have open communication your marriage will be stronger.

When none of the above work for you, it may be time to let go and get a divorce. You might have to do this so that you are able to be happy and have the life that you deserve. There is no reason to stay in a marriage that is not working for both of you and only bringing you down. You should be happy and you need to think about it so that you are able to feel better about your marital decision.

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If in fact you do feel this way, then you should go ahead and talk to a divorce lawyer, who can tell you what your options are, and explain in more detail about divorce. You will need to talk to your divorce lawyer, and let him know exactly where the problems in the marriage are, and whether or not you would wish to try and reconcile your differences with your spouse. Your divorce lawyer will tell you what you are legally allowed to do, and will help you in court, should your spouse contest the divorce.

During your divorce, the property that you jointly own will be split between your spouse and yourself, and this is often where divorces turn ugly quickly. The splitting of communal property is something that is dictated by the individual laws of your state, and both you and your spouse will have to abide by those laws. You will need to give your divorce lawyer a list of all of the items that are in the home that you own, and that are joint property, so that everything can be given to its rightful owner, or rightful owner according to the law, at least. Your divorce lawyer will ask you what items were yours before you were married, and what items were obtained during the time you were living together as a married couple. If you had any kind of prenuptial agreement, you should forward a copy of it to your divorce lawyer at this time.

If you have children, then there will likely be custody issues as well. Your divorce lawyer will help you with this too. You will have to prove in court that you are a suitable and capable parent, and demonstrate that you can provide for the children’s needs, emotionally, physically, and financially.

Think about your divorce, and the kinds of issues that you expect to come up. If there is going to be a battle over everything, custody, property, alimony, etc., then you really do need the help of a profession, experienced divorce lawyer, if you hope to win your case. Your divorce lawyer will understand how to put you in a good light with the judge, and how to paint your spouse in a way that puts doubt in the judge’s mind, leaning things more to your side of the fence.

Regardless of the reason of divorce, the law says that both parties are entitled to their fair share of the communal property, and there really is nothing that you can do about that. In divorces with custody issues, the spouse who seems best able to care for the child will be awarded full and total custody, while the other parent will be granted regular visitation rights. If you are seeking any kind of support from your spouse, that to will be settled at this time, all with the help of your divorce lawyer.

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How can the divorce rate be reduced and brought to normal levels? How can marriages be made enduring and more successful? How can the partners reconcile their differences and strengthen the relationship? Check out the following tips.

Don’t Battle His Ego: All men have an ego – either more or less – and they like to assert their will at home. They love to feel that they have the final say in crucial matters and their wives and children will ultimately defer to their wisdom in life-changing decisions. Women should understand this quality inherent in the personality of every man and not do anything to challenge or suppress the basis of his manhood.

Stay Faithful: Marriage is a relationship that rests on the foundation of mutual trust between the partners. Rarely does a marriage manage to survive intact if this trust gets broken. The modern lifestyle is such that it is much easier to develop romantic interests outside marriage. One has to guard against the proverbial seven-year itch as any such misadventure is a sure-shot way of getting divorced.

Don’t Interfere in Each Other’s Domain: Personal freedom of the partners within the ambit of the relationship is very important if the marriage has to be successful. The right of each partner to take decisions that affect him or her deeply has to be respected. Otherwise the relationship becomes claustrophobic and the spiritual growth of the partners is stunted.

Respect Each Other’s Decisions: The partners should be liberal and have a hands-off attitude toward each other’s personal decisions regarding job, eating habits, clothes, hobbies and so on. Constantly criticising your partner or trying to impose your will on him or her is a strict no-no, as it will generate resentment and would make the relationship weak.

Have Regular Intimacy: Physical intimacy is a basic human need. Having regular physical intimacy goes a long way in strengthening the foundation of marriage. It is not only a good workout, the hormones released during love-making are essential for one’s emotional well-being. Absence of an active love life is a leading cause of wrecked marriages.

Give Emotional Support: Marriage is much more than merely two partners living together and having physical intimacy in a socially accepted relationship. While intimacy is important, what is even more essential is the emotional support and intimacy that the partners give each other. Life is full of many ups and downs. We humans are vulnerable by nature and seek a shoulder to lean on from those who are close to us. Emotional nourishment and support is essential for the long-term success of a marriage.

Control Your Anger: Anger is something that is good neither for the family nor for the partners. This is a negative emotion that can be extremely caustic and devastate a healthy relationship. Living with a perpetually angry spouse is not a pleasant experience and the suffering partner and children may develop several psychosomatic disorders. Many people cannot take it any more and walk out of the marriage.

Don’t Monopolise Finances: Adequate financial resources are essential to make the family function smoothly. Each member has many personal needs and wants that cannot be fulfilled without money. Many insecure people have the tendency to monopolize all income and then deny even reasonable expenses of everybody else, while they build up savings over which they have total control. Starving your family members of money contributes a great deal to destroying the relationship.

Fulfil Your Family Obligations: Marriage is a relationship which by tradition lays down clear-cut responsibilities and obligations for both the partners with a view to ensuring division of labor. The woman takes care of household chores and bringing up the kids, while the man provides physical security to the family and goes out to bring home the bacon. A marriage can be successful if both the partners fulfill their familial obligations with sincerity and in all seriousness.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: The biggest asset you can bring to a marital relationship is forgetfulness. You should be ready to forgive small mistakes of your partner and not make everything an ego issue. Giving the freedom to make mistakes to your partner in day-to-day living goes a long way in strengthening the relationship’s foundations.

What Ingredients Make a Marriage Successful?

The divorce rate is increasing the world over. Families are breaking apart as partners decide to go their own separate ways after just a few years of marital life. This has negative consequences for the spouses, their children and the society as a whole. This is not a healthy development for human civilisation as a whole.

How can the divorce rate be reduced and brought to normal levels? How can marriages be made enduring and more successful? How can the partners reconcile their differences and strengthen the relationship? Check out the following tips.

Don’t Battle His Ego: All men have an ego – either more or less – and they like to assert their will at home. They love to feel that they have the final say in crucial matters and their wives and children will ultimately defer to their wisdom in life-changing decisions. Women should understand this quality inherent in the personality of every man and not do anything to challenge or suppress the basis of his manhood.

Stay Faithful: Marriage is a relationship that rests on the foundation of mutual trust between the partners. Rarely does a marriage manage to survive intact if this trust gets broken. The modern lifestyle is such that it is much easier to develop romantic interests outside marriage. One has to guard against the proverbial seven-year itch as any such misadventure is a sure-shot way of getting divorced.

Don’t Interfere in Each Other’s Domain: Personal freedom of the partners within the ambit of the relationship is very important if the marriage has to be successful. The right of each partner to take decisions that affect him or her deeply has to be respected. Otherwise the relationship becomes claustrophobic and the spiritual growth of the partners is stunted.

Respect Each Other’s Decisions: The partners should be liberal and have a hands-off attitude toward each other’s personal decisions regarding job, eating habits, clothes, hobbies and so on. Constantly criticising your partner or trying to impose your will on him or her is a strict no-no, as it will generate resentment and would make the relationship weak.

Have Regular Intimacy: Physical intimacy is a basic human need. Having regular physical intimacy goes a long way in strengthening the foundation of marriage. It is not only a good workout, the hormones released during love-making are essential for one’s emotional well-being. Absence of an active love life is a leading cause of wrecked marriages.

Give Emotional Support: Marriage is much more than merely two partners living together and having physical intimacy in a socially accepted relationship. While intimacy is important, what is even more essential is the emotional support and intimacy that the partners give each other. Life is full of many ups and downs. We humans are vulnerable by nature and seek a shoulder to lean on from those who are close to us. Emotional nourishment and support is essential for the long-term success of a marriage.

Control Your Anger: Anger is something that is good neither for the family nor for the partners. This is a negative emotion that can be extremely caustic and devastate a healthy relationship. Living with a perpetually angry spouse is not a pleasant experience and the suffering partner and children may develop several psychosomatic disorders. Many people cannot take it any more and walk out of the marriage.

Don’t Monopolize Finances: Adequate financial resources are essential to make the family function smoothly. Each member has many personal needs and wants that cannot be fulfilled without money. Many insecure people have the tendency to monopolize all income and then deny even reasonable expenses of everybody else, while they build up savings over which they have total control. Starving your family members of money contributes a great deal to destroying the relationship.

Fulfill Your Family Obligations: Marriage is a relationship which by tradition lays down clear-cut responsibilities and obligations for both the partners with a view to ensuring division of labor. The woman takes care of household chores and bringing up the kids, while the man provides physical security to the family and goes out to bring home the bacon. A marriage can be successful if both the partners fulfil their familial obligations with sincerity and in all seriousness.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: The biggest asset you can bring to a marital relationship is forgetfulness. You should be ready to forgive small mistakes of your partner and not make everything an ego issue. Giving the freedom to make mistakes to your partner in day-to-day living goes a long way in strengthening the relationship’s foundations.

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James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see www.managed-divorce.co.uk